Missing....

Every month, when my hormone starts to act up (it gets worse after i turned 40-or was it because the love of my life is away??) i get weepy. I cry for many reasons.

Tonight it's all about missing someone.

AYAH:  how I wish he is still around. but if he is still around, I don't think I'd be as independent and as strong as I am right now. Allah has planned everything for a reason. I so miss him. I still cry like a baby sometimes wanting him to be by my side and protecting me once again. I feel very low and weak right now. I have no one I can run to and cry for help. My mother is there to support me emotionally. Alhamdulillah. Al-Fatihah to my beloved Ayah.

JUHA:  I miss his presence. Him being around give me some kind of strength when my heart is torn. He has a calming way to make me think sensibly. I pray that everything from now on will be much easier for us both. It has been challenging for the last 3 years, but we know our love is pure.

Posting myself away

Sometimes I wish I can just put a stamp on me and post it to Kauniainen, Finland
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

On the love front....

Things are happening between me and Mr J. The same person I've been going out with for the last 3 years. He is the love of my life. We find comfort, happiness, tenderness, support, respect and love in each other.

Right now, we're both hoping that he gets to do voluntary work in Afghanistan. If that happens, I should tie the knot very soon.

I feel my Jodoh is with him. Insya'Allah.

Friends forever? or Not?

In life, we meet many people who sometimes turn out to be friends and some family. Some stay as friends, some come and go. Many friends cross our path, then go and come back again. Some were never in your life, then became close friends at one point in your life, then decides there's no chemistry and gone forever.

I'm blessed with many friends. I am blessed with a gift to make friends. I love those who are always in contact and respect you as a friend. I love those who cherish your presence. I love those who find love and happiness in being friends with me.

However, I'm only human. I make mistakes. I say the wackiest things at the wrong time. I dislike grumpy people. I hate people who like to swear and only have hate for other people. I wish to not be with friends who turn out this way. I don't wish to be around negative friends.

Life in itself is already full of challenge. Although it hurts to move on and forget about friends who have marked your life, sometimes, moving on is the only solution. Moving on and letting go. 

Long Distance Relationship

J and I have been far from each other since August this year. We are still very much together. There are moments where i find it too difficult to handle. 

PMS-ing!!!

What a challenging day it was emotionally. My head is spinning now and my body is weak. Due to caffeine from this morning I am still up.

Tomorrow is salary day for the staff. So, double ouch! For my pain.

Juha may be leaving me be for now. He did try to chat last night but I missed it as I was asleep.

Hope tomorrow is easier.

it's too tough

I have been with Juha for 3 years now an it hasn't been easy. The trips we shared were really wonderful, minus the Laos trip where I just don't feel him being there. We've been to places from one end of the world to the other. I am hopeful, but I am trying to make myself understand that I have to accept whatever comes my way. It would be too embarrassing for me if it doesn't happen between us.

At this point, we don't even know if we have a date we want to call THE DAY. we have talked about getting together. but there isn't any firm date. I do get frustrated and tired for thinking about it.

i hope he will pick a month or season that he wants us to be together. I am doing all I can here. 

on a more positive note

The candidate to replace me as an instructor came on Monday and Tuesday for centre attachment. That shows more commitment. We spoke some more about it and more and more, I'm convinced that she is serious enough to do it. I have to keep on praying and hoping. I have to be happy that the end is near.

Juha text me when he was in the boat before he departed (Helsinki to Stockholm) and promised to get me a Stockholm t-shirt.

Jennifer and I bought a return ticket to Siem Reap for June travel. We will be joined by Teacher Tess and Arlene. I always enjoy a girly holiday. It's time for Angkor Wat. I also wish to book flight for umrah and travels to Europe in August.

I have a futsal team with great gals! My friends from BBGS. I feel happy when I'm with them.

Most of my little students (girls especially) still allow me to hug them. I love the bonding.

I have not written here for a few weeks now. I felt like I had to take a long rest after what I would describe as a 'near death' experience. I got what I prayed for. I get to keep running my centre for a bit more.
They want me to find a successor. The definition of successor, they can't even give in detail.

 I can still accept what had happened and am learning a lot from this lesson of life.

J and I have decided to keep our dreams but will postpone things we had wanted to happen earlier.
My responsibilty for the children and their parents at the centre is at top priority now. J on top of my love interest, but I feel our relationship is strong enough to survive this.