It's finally a HOME!

Our family home is now looking beautiful. I just can't wait to move there.
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My burdened heart

Why do I feel awfully burdened? Why do I feel so challenged? I am in a relationship and it is a long distance one! I feel in love but I don't see love.

Will this one day change?
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Tough time is here!

I am at the moment at habib Jewel's Ar-Rahnu outlet to sell off my set of gold that I received 18 years ago during my wedding. 9 months ago I had it pajak so that I could get about RM3k to finance my business. I guess things have gone from bad to worse financially.

Time is up and I had to decide to continue or to sell. So here I am to sell them
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Very upset!

I don't think I can take it anymore. My staff, Ms C is just too much for me to handle. She has no respect for me and she just gets me down on a daily basis.

I have done so much just so that she can be comfortable. I let her go out as and when she needs to for her daughter. I let her leave an hour early every Tuesday and Friday. I give her salary a day or two before the rest get their salary.

I have foregone a lot of things. Even my salary just to keep this centre running. I waste money on her in particular.

I am going to talk to her on Tuesday morning.
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so freakin' uncomfortable......

I don't know why I feel so messed up. I must list down all the positive things that happen to me on a daily basis. Here I am in this semi darkness and listening to surah reading from my blackberry.

Negative today: had to pay RM2,200 to get back my car.
                         ran around and felt like I was everywhere the whole day.
                         had a meeting with Rini and Azura, just to confirm that they're not taking over.
                         Kelly looking so negative about most things that's happening, and more when I                        mentioned about wanting an appointment with the GM.
                         Pakcik Adam (Ayah's cousin passed away)

Positive today : I got back the car without a single scratch.
                        The day went by very smoothly. We were at the right place and at the right time.
                         The weather was cool and not sunny at all.
                         Was determined to turn things around at the centre.
                          Managed a yassin for Pakcik Adam. (period is after 2 weeks, so i can pray and  do  yassin)
                         I received a letter from Bank Rakyat telling me I can come and collect RM1,277.67 from them.
                        Kak Sharifah Zain allowed me to take 2 jubah for Hari Raya with monthly payment.
                         Juha is thinking about me...as he sent me an sms before he left.

It's just another wednesday.

I just got back my car from the bank. Paid everything in full. Now I'm broke again. I feel very scared now. Don't know how I'm going to survive for the next few months.

Pak Long is asking us to sign some papers at the lawyers tomorrow. I wonder what that's for. I hope we'll get some big sums of money coming our way. I so badly need financial help.

I am so scared. I need to revamp the centre. I can't pay all their salary anymore. I know they'll be angry but I've suffered for far too long.
I feel very depressed.
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Up, down and up.

Lately, my life has been more like a roller coaster ride or perhaps like playing a see saw.

Everytime I read my blackberry horoscope, I feel so connected. That is the reason why I have been posting the horoscope reading instead of writing something on my own.

Last week, when there were suppose to be challenges in my life, I was challenged to the max. My car was repossessed, I had a terrible shortage of cash to pay salary and there are so many things to be paid. Electricity bill, telephone bill, internet bill, just to name a few...

I hope I can always be strong, till the end.
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